Money Matters

Like I said in my last post, God is really taking me on a journey. He's been convicting my heart and changing my thought process on things that I've not even thought about.....EVER!

Lately, He's been speaking to me about money. Yep, that crazy little green stuff that seems to make the world go round but people never seem to have enough of.

M-O-N-E-Y.

A few days ago, I asked my husband to go over our budget with me. Mostly because we are celebrating our 10 yr anniversary at the end of the year and I want to be able to pay cash for our trip. I wanted a game plan. I need to know what we have to do to save "x" amount of dollars by December.

As we looked at the numbers on our budget..what comes in, what should be going out I was startled by a huge deficit!!  There in the column marked "savings" was a surprisingly large number.
I quickly said..."whoa, wait a minute..we save that much every month??" My husbands response was, "no, IF we stayed on budget we would save that much every month, but we don't usually do that".

WAIT a MINUTE..hold the phone!!!! "How are we spending that much extra money a month?? What are we spending it on?" I asked.  He just kinda shrugged and shook his head!

God immediately pricked my heart in a huge way!!!  Basically after paying our basic bills and paying for groceries, setting aside some money for eating out, and doing fun activities we SHOULD have enough left over to put several hundred dollars in savings each month.  The fact that we have not been doing that is a huge red flag to me. We can't even recall what that extra money is being spent on.

Most likely it's being spent on, more eating out, stopping to get sodas, new things we see and want, something for the kids, using our credit card mindlessly and having to pay it off at the end of the month.

BUT certainly nothing substantial or meaningful in any way...because neither one of us can even pin point what it's being spent on.

Friends, I want my money to matter more than this.

IF we are so blessed to have all our basic needs met and are able to budget in eating out, allowances for my husband and myself AND have some fun money...then there is no reason at all why we should be spending the rest except for the fact that we are mindlessly indulging ourselves in desires and wants that we clearly don't need OR have made one bit of difference in our lives.

Here's the deal, we don't live extravagant lives. Just about everything I buy is on sale, I use coupons, I do DIY projects to save money. Literally half of my closet is from Goodwill..NO LIE!
We don't take our kids to expensive outings often AT ALL. I shop at Once Upon a Child for their clothes.

I literally am NOT a "shop or spend-a-holic"

If I want to redecorate..I first think of how to repurpose, repaint and reuse what we already have before buying anything new. So I am literally blown away at how we go through money the way we do.
I've boiled it down to two things.

Carelessness and Greed. Ouch. I don't typically consider myself careless or greedy. But after mulling it over in my brain til it's basically mush I can come up with no other conclusions.

We are careless with our excess, and we are greedy in thinking that if we have excess it should obviously be spent on US!! (there's that "we deserve" american entitlement issue again)

Who says that because we have extra money that it should be spent on us. Does God not use His children to bless others?? Who says that we should even be budgeting in "eating out" and "fun money" as if luxuries are the most important things in life.  What if instead of delegating what's left over to people in need..we turned it around..and supported the needy FIRST, and then used our left over for a few indulgent luxuries?? How different the American church would look.

I think of all the things we could be doing to bless others, to show Gods love with our excess.
We could buy groceries for a family for a MONTH with our extra.
We could buy someone a car..(a used one mind you, but still with 4 wheels and an engine)
We could pay someones rent
We could fund a family in Ethiopia for a whole year so they could have food and education.
We could build a church in Africa!!!

But instead, it gets spent on another pair of shoes for my daughter who already has ten pairs. Or on another scarf for me, when I have two drawers full.
It gets spent on another run to get carry out, when we JUST ate out yesterday.
It goes to buy new curtains just because I've had the other ones for a few years and am tired of them.
More, useless, meaningless junk that doesn't enrich our lives one tiny bit. In actuality it just causes us to want more useless, meaningless junk.

I mean, seriously....I WANT MY MONEY TO MATTER more than this.

So, we've decided to cut WAY back. I have a set allowance every month that is just for me. I can go to lunch, I can buy a new shirt...whatever. My goal and promise to myself is to stick to my allowance. If it doesn't fit into my budget. I don't get. NO MORE EXCESS.

I have a closet full of stuff. My goal is to wear EVERYTHING..(everything that fits anyways). I'm going to put together outfits from what I already have. I'm going to be thankful with my home. I may want new accessories for my book shelves..but there is a child in India who could use that $30 a whole lot more than my book shelves could.

I want God to open my eyes to the nonsense. I love my kids and I love buying things for them. BUT the reality is they have more than they need. They have so much in fact..that they don't really even enjoy what they have because the amount of stuff is so overwhelming. And, because they are so used to getting stuff the thrill is just "getting" it..not actually playing with it, and I'm not ok with that.
So, unless it's a birthday or Christmas. No more TOYS, no more clothes, no more NOTHING!

The fact that my whole family could literally have beds and dressers of our own in our bedroom alone, is a shocking realization to the amount of excess! When I really allow God to do surgery on my greed and my heart I start to walk around my home in AWE of the blessings I've been given.

I'm not living on the street..or in a dump. I'm not hungry, I'm not cold. I have clothes..and stylish ones at that. My kids have luxuries and toys. WHO THE HECK DO WE THINK WE ARE, to maintain an attitude of constantly needing more!

That new shirt wont bring meaning to my life. The bigger tv wont fulfill my inner most longings. Going on an extravagant vacation wont fill any emptiness within me.  A new couch wont bring me meaningful relationships.

I want my money to matter.
I'm giving God room to use the finances He's giving me to bless others. My tithe, is not enough. I will live on less, so I'm able to bless.

I will sacrifice the boots on sale at marshals and the 20th cute dress or hair bow for my daughter so that someone else might know that Jesus is using people to bless them.

I want my money to MATTER. I will live with less, so it will!

2014 Search for Simplicity.

Well, I haven't posted in well over a month. I've had so much whirling around in my head I feel like I couldn't articulate a single thought that would make any meaningful sense at all. But God has been doing something in me in this last month or so and I think it's time to share it.

2014 is going to be a big year for me. I have several mile stones that I'm really looking forward to. I'm turning 30 in about 6 weeks! My husband and I will be celebrating ten years of marriage and I get to go on my first missions trip out of the country. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about all of that.

I've been thinking quite a bit about this new phase in my life...30 years old feels huge, feels exciting, feels old. (ha just kidding) I've thought much about the time spent in my 20's and I've decided I want my 30's to be different...MUCH different. Don't get my wrong, my 20's brought lots of great adventures, wonderful learning, babies, friends, experiences. But underneath the polished exterior of who I've represented myself to be, my 20's were also filled with much insecurity, selfishness, bad attitudes and misguided priorities to say the least. You may not have known it to look at me, but contentment and joy were rare commodities. Which is sad, because I've been so blessed. BEYOND blessed even. Looking back at all I've been given and knowing in my heart I've not been completely thankful just makes me sick, and ashamed if I'm being honest. 

I want the decade of my 30's to be marked by difference attributes than that of my 20's. I want to be different, I want to be better.

I've decided that 2014 is a year that I will give God room to change me. When I say change, I don't mean, small little things..I mean, I want to be CHANGED, really CHANGED!

I'm tired of the rat race of life as we know it. I'm tired of Christianity as we know it. I'm tired of the world selling us misguided dreams and desires that do nothing but fuel our own selfishness and pride as we disregard the lost and the hurting. Things need to change."I" need to change.

I don't want to look at the brave people who are doing great things and only wish I was brave enough to do what they're doing..I want to BE that brave person.

I want to be brave to tackle my selfishness and greed and really turn that ship around in a world that is sending us full speed down stream towards destruction.

I want to bravely be disciplined with my convictions even if NO ONE else understands, agrees or is following my example. Cause lets face it, It's so much easier to do something hard when you aren't the only one "suffering". When you're tackling your human sinful nature it feels like suffering when everyone around you is gleefully indulging in their own. It feels unfair, it feels lonely. But I'm reminding myself that those things didn't make me happy when I was "gleefully indulging" in them myself. It only brought joy for a minute and then it was gone, fleeting, like chasing the wind. Just when you think you've caught it, it slips through your fingers and calls you to pursue it further. It's a game you just never win.

2014 is going to be a search for simplicity, contentment and living with less. Not because I have to, but because I'm learning that having more, is not actually "MORE" when it comes to feeling fulfilled in life and I want my kids to learn this lesson early. We are going to live with less than the consumeristic world tells us we "deserve". We are going to eat at home more, shop less, be thankful for what we have by not constantly filling our eyes, minds and hearts with all that we don't have and "want". Those things are like the sunset, it's pretty for a few moments but before you even realize it, it's gone and you're waiting on what's next. I for one am tired of looking to "what's next"..the next cute sweater, the bigger tv, the newer car, the next restaurant. 

It's completely twisted that a 2700sq ft house, a closet the size of my first kitchen, more toys than my daughter can possibly play with, cupboards full of food and all of our basic needs being met and THEN MORE..is still not enough. Nope, there is always another baby doll to want, another cute shirt to buy, another style of curtain to hang, more food to eat,  another vacation to dream about. It's a perpetual cycle of "I WANT", "WE DESERVE", "MORE MORE MORE" and frankly, it's exhausting.

I want peace and fulfillment in today, in ME today... Not me ten pounds from now, not me when I get new boots or a new hair cut, or when I get to redecorate my living room. I will be content with me TODAY.

So, I'll probably be blogging more about this journey I'm about to embark on. My search for simplicity and contentment by embracing less, embracing sacrifice, embracing thankfulness. I'm sure it's going to be WAAAY harder than I can even imagine. But I'm determined to give God room to change me. 

I don't want to look at the brave people who are doing great things and only wish I was brave enough to do what they're doing..I want to BE that brave person.