Own Your Ugly

 

I have a 5 year old daughter. As with most 5 year old little girls, our home is filled with laughter, silliness, drama, exaggerations and LOTS of emotions!!! Lots and LOTS of emotions.
My daughter feels things very deeply, when she gets upset she reacts as if her whole heart is bursting...even if it's over something trivial like not being able to find her lipgloss. She is VERY passionate about just about everything she does and is not very easy going...unfortunately. I don't fully understand her passion just yet, but I know God has plans for it somewhere in her future..if we both survive til then. :)

As with most mothers and daughters we have a lot of squabbles, when we squabble naturally Mckenzie acts as if her heart is broken...and if she's not in a "heart broken" state, her anger erupts. I'm not sure where her anger comes from...but boy does she have a temper.

The funny thing about kids is they are so transparent. When she's mad you KNOW it, cause you can see it all over her face. Her eyes get all grumpy and her lips pucker out, her arms fold ferociously and she hangs her head with a huff and puff. There is NO ignoring that she's mad or angry or hurt. She is an open book of emotion.

In those moments I can say..."are you mad?" And she'll let out a resounding YES! With another huff and puff.

When she's crying and heart broken I can say, "Are you sad?" and she'll let out a sobbing....yeeessss, behind her tears.

Whether she's had an emotional breakdown or a temper tantrum it's a rule in our home to take time to "calm down, and then apologize" followed by hugs and kisses.

There are times when she does NOT want to say sorry, and she most definitely does NOT want to give hugs and kisses. So we give her more time until she's ready. But in those situations I still see her heart...it's all over her face..I can see her anger, I can see her hurt. I can see how her anger is wanting to hurt us(her parents) in those moments.

Sometimes she will say sorry and give a half hearted hug just to not prolong the "teaching time" that her dad and I are trying to utilize. But her face, gives her heart away. We know immediately if she's sincere or not.

I call that "Her UGLY"- I have an "Ugly" as well, and so do you! We all have an "UGLY".

An "UGLY" is simply the area's within us that are harboring ugly thoughts or feelings towards another. Our spiteful places, our hurt places, and places of retaliation.

The difference between a child's ugly and an adults ugly is that adults are better at hiding their ugly...or at best, justifying their ugly. Kids don't know how to justify in the same way us adults do..they only know they feel awful inside and it erupts through emotions of all kinds.

I have a motto I try to live by.

"OWN YOUR UGLY"

No I don't mean hang on to your 1980's reindeer sweater from grandma...{although, those are handy for Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties...I may or may not have a few in my closet. :)}

But I mean, take time to identify and own your inward ugliness without excuses or justifications.

Yes, that girl may have mistreated you and deserves for you to hate her forever.

Yes, your husband who cheated on you deserves for you to slit his tires or at least inflict emotional torment on him by treating him miserably in return.

That family member who's been nothing but hurtful to you your whole life deserves to be alone on their death bed.

That pastor at that church hurt your feelings deeply and now you wont step foot in church because of those self righteous hypocrites.

There are a million and a half scenarios that could be listed here..but you get the picture and I'll bet your own scenarios are already coming to mind...Area's of your own personal ugly towards someone or something coming to the surface.

The thing is; we are good at hiding our ugly. We're really good at flashing a smile, engaging in small talk and playing nicey nicey to avoid conflict....Or you may be the person who doesn't hide your ugly at all, and you unleash an onslaught of Ugly to anyone and everyone who get's in the way.

Either way...Inward Ugly, is not cool. It's Ugly!!  And whether you hide it or not, or justify it or not..."UGLY" is a heart issue. It's an issue of unforgiveness, or denial, resistance to the holy spirit, or resisting surrender.

Jeremiah 17:9- "The human heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can understand it."

As adults, we typically want our outsides to look all put together. If I can come across as put together maybe people will actually think I've got a few things figured out.

If I can always treat someone well and stuff my emotions and hatefulness towards them, people wont know how ugly I feel towards them.

I'm not saying it's cool to just go blowing up at people all the time..but denying your ugliness wont bring healing..or forgiveness.

I have many memories of times I've acted ugly towards people..sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Either way, after closer inspection and much correction from God, I've had to OWN MY UGLY and repent to God and that person for the way I treated them.

Sometimes, I've not treated anyone poorly at all, but my heart is so full of Ugly towards them, I've had to really repent to God.

1 Samuel 16:7 says; "Do not judge him by his appearance, for the Lord has rejected him. God see's not as man see's. For man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."

It can be difficult to purge your heart of it's ugly. But I have found that if you can OWN YOUR UGLY first, by acknowledging that it's there...you can ask God to take away those ugly feelings. Tell God that you don't want to feel ugly towards them, even though they may deserve it, even though you feel justified in your feelings.

Here's the truth: Harboring even justified ugliness towards someone or something can poison your heart, and your emotions and your happiness.

I don't know what you may be holding in your heart today. I don't know if you've ever "OWNED YOUR UGLY". But I want to encourage you, that there is freedom in forgiveness and freedom in repentance.

Don't let your ugly define you or your actions!!!

Take some time, reflect, repent, forgive.....

OWN YOUR UGLY, then release it!!

Messy Mommy- Train Up A Child

As mommas we have an important job to do. We may never fully understand the weight and privilege  it truly is to train up our children.

As I've mentioned before, I'm a mommy of a beautiful 5 year old little girl(Mckenzie) and a sweet and spunky almost 1 year old boy(Parker), and they are my biggest blessings.

Even on my messiest mommy days, they are my biggest blessing, although I can't promise I would say so in the middle of that messy moment. :)

As I was changing my sons diaper after his after noon nap a few days ago, I started thinking about the differences in mommy seasons and what "taking care of the kids" really looks like.
When they are infants and babies like Parker is now, my primary role is meeting his basic needs. Taking care of him physically. Feeding, changing, bathing, clothing...and snuggling of course. :)

When you're on your first child that stage can seem endless. It seems tiring, mundane even at times.

But once they graduate from that stage of taking care of their basic needs you realize that your role is so much bigger. Mckenzie was about three when I truly started to see that I was not only responsible for making sure her basic needs were met, but I was responsible for shaping her to be a good human being.{With her dads help of course, :)}  To have respect and morals, to learn right and wrong and have faith in a God she can't see or comprehend. I think it's at THAT moment that the diapering and two am feedings seem much more doable. :)

It's no longer about hot dogs or cereal or shorts or sweatpants, it's about training a sinful human being to follow God.

THAT is a huge responsibility!!

"Train up a child in the way they will go, and when they are old they will not depart from it."Prov 22:6

Is an inspiring verse for parenthood, but it also carries much weight.

It can be completely overwhelming the thought of my children's eternal destination hinging on my teachings and example in these early years of their lives. SOOO OVERWHELMING

There are many days when I ask God "Am I completely screwing up my kids?" and after I see Mckenzie throw a monster tantrum and be stubborn and selfish in ALL the same ways I know I can do those things, I think....."YEP, I'm DEFINITELY screwing up my kids." haha

But I'm so thankful for a God who sees past all that.

I am an imperfect human being! I am an imperfect parent for SURE, so why on earth would God leave the training of my children up to ME?!?!

Here's what I've discovered. "God grace is sufficient for me and his strength his made perfect in my weakness." 2 Corin 12:9.

God knew I wouldn't be perfect, He knew I'd have a million failures and stresses and messy days when I scream and cry more than I love and nurture and he chose me anyway!! He CHOSE me and my amazing hubby to train up these children even though we are not perfect.

It's not about me, it's not about Tim, it's about GODS STRENGTH being made perfect in our times and areas of weakness and allowing GOD to train our children through us.

Let me just say, that takes a HUGE weight off. Just typing that I sighed a huge sigh of relief. :)

Gods grace is sufficient for me, it's sufficient for you! He chose YOU and ME to be the imperfect messy mommy's to our kiddos and he knew we would not be able to do it alone!

He knows what you need, He has wisdom for every area that you will face in raising up your kids to love and honor God.

All we must do is seek HIM! Seek GOD, Seek his wisdom.

Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek FIRST, the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."


As we seek God and his righteousness, God can do an amazing work inside us as mommies. You are not in this alone, you have the creator of the universe helping you succeed. All he asks, is that we seek him first, and rely on his strength when we are at our messiest.

I don't know about you, but knowing that feels AH-MAZING!!

HIS GRACE is SUFFICIENT for us all!!!

Blessings and Peace to all my beautifully Messy Mommies today!!!