Beautifully Broken

I'm not what I want to be.

I'm not who I want to be.

I don't accomplish what I want to accomplish.

Do I matter???

I've got to tell you, I've been in a battle lately. A battle for my worth, a battle for my confidence, a battle for happiness and contentment and just making it through the day!

I wish I could tell you that I always find my strength in God.

I wish I could say that I'm always able to overcome the lies of the enemy.

I wish I could wake up and "positive self talk" myself into a great mood.

I wish I was able to be put together, and accomplish my goals with gusto and enthusiasm.

I wish I was ALWAYS CONTENT!

I'll take a chance and vulnerably say that so many issues have been swirling in my mind lately. The need to fit in, the desire to matter, the need to be heard and loved and appreciated. The fulfillment of accomplishing something, the pleasure of admiration. Why does everyone else seem so happy!?? Why do they seem so involved and engaged and successful in their endeavors while I work like a dog towards my goals and still fall short??? Why do I feel so unfulfilled even when I'm doing all these amazing things? 

I went to church last night desperately in need of something from God, ANYTHING from God. I needed to hear His voice, feel His presence and warm embrace.

After an awesome time of worship and a great word from 2 Corinthians 13 the speaker said something...

"If we aren't experiencing regular, sweet, ongoing fellowship with the Holy Spirit, then we are forfeiting the fruit of our redemption."

My ears perked up, because I have NOT been experiencing the fruit of my redemption.

All of these amazing blessings and promises that Christ provided through the cross and here I am pouting over why I don't feel "happy enough and accomplished in my life"...I constantly question my worth and effectiveness in living my life. 

WHERE IS THE FRUIT OF MY REDEMPTION??

He went on to say..

"If you're not where you once were, if you are not where you want to be, if you want a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with God, all you have to do is HEAR HIS WORD and RESPOND TO IT"  

When you feel the tug on your heart towards God, don't hesitate, RESPOND!!!! Don't hold back, even if no one else is responding.

When he opened up the alters, all I could do was GO! I needed to GO.  I HAD TO GO!

The moment I knelt down before the Lord, I felt His presence rush over me, naturally tears were flowing like this ongoing rain we've been having and all I could say was..

"LORD, I'm so Broken and I need you to fix me and set me free"

I need to be free from the bondage of being needed, liked, accepted, admired by others. I need to be free from my own insecurities and see myself through GODS eyes and not my own. I need to be free from the pressure to push harder, do more, go faster and always be better or busy. 

I am Broken and I need to be free.

I felt Gods gentle voice say, "Dayna, it's ok to be broken...if in your brokenness you rely on me, then broken isn't a bad place to be. You are everything you need to be, you just need to stop trying so hard to be all these other things."

One moment like that in Gods presence is better than all the self help phrases I could utter. It's better than anything I could accomplish. It's better than my best efforts on my best day with my biggest joys! ONLY GOD can fill and make us whole. 

God sees brokenness as Beautiful! We were never intended to go through this life on our own. 

Some people seem REALLY GOOD at going through life totally on their own merit. Working hard, Accomplishing a lot. Inspiring people with their work ethic and resolve.

I just didn't understand why when I "resolve" to do something and try to make it happen I always fall flat on my face!!!

But God has been showing me that first of all, I'm not meant to do ANYTHING on my own. Not one single thing is meant to just be sure will on my part without Gods help. Second, I'm learning that not all things are meant for all people, and THAT is ok. I don't have to be like anyone else. I don't have to do things like anyone else.

I think I've always known that, but my problem is...I "WANT" to be like other people. People I admire or see good qualities in. I "WANT" to do and be the same as lots of people.

But God has made me different. I hate that sometimes...But He has made me different. 

He's made me completely and totally incapable of being fulfilled in this life without Him.

And though that may mean I "fail" at many things in this life that probably don't really matter much in the grand scheme of eternity. It also means that I get to live my life understanding that God is where my contentment lies. God is the giver of happiness and fulfillment. And though that is definitely hard at times. It helps me stay close to Him. It doesn't take much of me wondering away into the happiness schemes of the world to realize that I'm working way to hard for way too little fulfillment and I need to follow my footsteps back to Jesus.

I probably don't matter to the world, I probably won't hit all of my goals for the year. I may not be admired or inspiring and people may not like what I have to say. 

Yes, I am a big mess of BROKEN on just about any given day. 

But I am Beautifully Broken...

So, it's ok. :-) 

TRUST, FEAR and MOVING...

The cat is out of the bag, it's official, no turning back now. We announced on Sunday to our church family that our season of ministry there has ended and that after much prayer and fasting God is calling us to move to Missouri. 

This will be the third MAJOR move we've made to a different state in our short 10 years of marriage. Each move has been a step of faith and a decision to follow Gods voice of direction for our lives. Each opportunity has come with challenges and blessings and has been filled with learning experiences and wonderful friends. Each move has been a chance for God to show up and show off with how he choose to bless us. 

I remember when God first told us to leave the first place we were in Kansas, after the decision was made to be obedient and we finally went to bed, I lay in bed and cried and cried. I was excited and hopeful for the future, but my heart ached to leave. My heart mourned all that I felt like I was "losing". It was really hard.

You would think after three moves, three opportunities to say "yes" to God, and after Him providing three different times in wonderfully different ways, that it would somehow be easier. 

But it's not.

This decision to leave, has in some ways been just as hard as the first time we said, yes.

Different circumstances, different people, same excitement and SAME HEARTACHE of saying goodbye, and most of all same wondering how God will come through.

I know that my trust in God is deeper and stronger now than it was then. My love for God has certainly grown and I honestly can say that I COMPLETELY TRUST HIM with my life, my hearts longings and my family. 

But I'm human, and I not only have to fight the tendencies in my personality that question, but I have a very real enemy (satan) who would love nothing more than to make each experience a miserable one. His desire to keep us from saying yes to God and walking into what God has for us is REAL and it's BIG. He goes to war to persuade us against it..but thankfully GOD goes to war too...and all I have to do is focus on Him and stay in His presence and His Word and tuck myself up in the shelter of His wings during the battle.

If you know me well, you know I'm a planner. 

I'm a planner, who likes routine and is not a huge fan of change.

I'm a planner who likes routine and is not a huge fan of change, and I like to know what's going to happen and WHEN. 

So these situations go against the very fiber of my being.

I am NOT naturally adventurous.

I'm NOT naturally trusting and eager to change up my world.

I'm just not.

I think because we've done this before people get the impression that we LIKE it, and that it's EASY, or that we've somehow reached a level of spirituality that we just "transcend" from situation to situation. 

Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not and I'm not. 

This is how it usually goes....

We seek God, We hear from God, We make a decision, and the battle begins... 

The battle of what if's..

The battle of how's..

The battle of, "oh crap we just quit a job that is very good to us financially"....

The battle of pain and doubt and LOTS OF CRYING.. ha

The battle is real my friends...it's real.

Matthew 6:20, 25-33 says

"Store your treasures in heaven where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal, wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

v25, That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns. For your heavenly father feeds them. and aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing, look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wild flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

Why why worry about these things, saying.What will we eat? what will we drink? what will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly father already knows all your needs. Seek the kingdom of GOD above all else and live righteously and he will give you everything you need."

This scripture has been my life line during these times when I start to feel fearful about what we are giving up to follow God.  It's ok to be smart, it's ok to plan, it's ok to make money..but it's ALSO ok to take a huge step outside of all of that to say yes to God without having ANY details.

There is something so special that happens between you and God when you can put your entire life into his hands and say, I don't see the big picture yet, but I trust YOU. 

Even in the midst of fear, doubt and unknowing there is an amazing peace that comes over you.

I just want to encourage you friends. If you feel like God is asking you to make a big step of faith. DO IT! Even if you don't know how it will work. Even if it looks like it certainly WONT work. If it's God...just take that step and say yes.

Will everything work out exactly how you WANT it to? Probably not. Will it always feel like a shimmering dream come true.?? UM...no. ha

But when you walk in Gods plan for your life, whether that be with PLENTY or with LITTLE, you are in the very best place you could be.

You don't have to fear giving God your dreams and your desires. He is a loving Father and He won't let your life come crashing to the floor.

But here's the thing..even He does....You can trust that there is purpose for it in your life, and just like Joseph, he is using those circumstances to mold you and shape you for the greatness he has in store.

Don't fear Gods plan. Tuck yourself up under the shadow of His wing, and enjoy the ride. :-)

XOXO

Dayna

Dead and Fruitless

As I was walking to the mail box today I noticed this...

Beautiful isn't it?? Ok, it's not really beautiful, but I feel like God gave me something beautiful as I looked at it.

First let me explain what this is. It's a picture of these flowers that bloom out by this ugly green box in our front yard. These flowers grow big and tall and at the end of summer leave a big stick looking thing to just ...well...die there. So all winter, these brown, tall, stick looking dead things just hang out in my yard.

We had an uncannily warm day on Monday and my husband went out and pulled up all the ugly, dead stick things to clean up the yard for Spring.

Today is Wednesday and as I was walking to the mail box I noticed that there is already green shoots of new life springing up. My thought was wow, that was quick, and I felt the Lord say, "See how quickly new life springs up when you remove what is dead and fruitless."

WOW...hello GOD! nice to talk to you today!!! I love it when God just drops an amazing God thought and perfect illustration into my heart, it just makes me happy.

Anyways. I got to thinking about that thought. "Look how quickly new life springs up when you remove what is dead and fruitless"!!!

I can think of so many people, myself included who spend SO-MUCH-TIME holding on to dead and fruitless things in their lives. Maybe that dead fruitless thing was once beautiful in your life, much like my flowers were last year. Maybe that thing has NEVER been fruitful and we've just wanted it to be fruitful, whew..I've been there.

We hold on, hoping, wishing, praying, working, trying, and waiting and waiting and waiting for something to bear fruit, to produce beauty or life into our lives. Often times we can't bare the thought of losing this thing. The empty hole that removing it will leave will be too painful. How will I fill that void? What if nothing ever grows back in that place? What if, what if, wait, wait, wish.

Sometimes, I think God is in heaven saying, "Why is it so hard for them to remove this thing? It's not giving life, it's not producing joy, it actually CAUSING pain. Don't they know I have something else that will be much better?"

Is it that we just don't fully trust that God has something better? Do we honestly believe in our hearts that it's safer to cling to this dead thing than to entrust the hole removing it will leave to our Father?

I don't know about you, but I want to be a person who is willing to slough off the old, dead, unfruitful things in my life to allow room for Jesus to fill those holes and produce new life.

The pain of letting that dead thing go is nothing in comparison to the joy of having life-giving things in your life.

Here's the thing though, I think sometimes we want to see the new thing, before we are comfortable sloughing off the old. It's sort of like saying, God when you show me that there WILL IN FACT BE new life, THEN I will let go of this dead thing, cause at least this dead thing is filling this hole for the time being. I'd rather it be filled with SOMETHING, even if it's dead.

But where is the faith in that? Where is the trust that God does have something that He is just waiting to fill that void with.

But just like those flowers, it's really tough for the new flowers to bloom until we've cleared out what was old.

It's hard ya'll, I'm not for a second trying to say that the "Clearing out" process is easy. It's not. There will be some pain, there will be some emptiness, If you're like me, there will probably be tears.(ha)

But just as Jeremiah 29:11 says, God has plans for YOU and ME, and His plans are always GOOD!! They are always for our benefit. You don't have to fear the things that God has in store for you.

I want to challenge you to reflect on any areas of your life that are dead and fruitless in your life? Is it an attitude or hobby that is not producing life? Is it a relationship that is taking advantage of you? Is it an addiction? Is it a job? Is it a boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it a dream you've had for your life that may not have been a GodDream and needs to be let go so that new GodDreams can come in? I don't know what it might be in your life. But I pray that you are brave enough to identify the areas that need to be uprooted so that GOD can plant new life for you.

When you are faced with the fear that the emptiness will be more than you can bare.
Just remember..

"Look how quickly new life springs up, when you remove what is dead and fruitless"

Be brave, my dear friends...God's plans are always good and full of LIFE!

xoxo

Dayna

DISCLAIMER- I am not referring to marriage relationships. If you are in a dead and fruitless marriage than you need to get counsel and help to rebuild and revive the marriage you have!!! God will breathe new life into your dry marriage if the right steps are taken to allow Him to do so. His desire is that the covenant relationship you have with your spouse would last a lifetime. :-)

I lost my voice

Wow, it's been a LONG, LONG time since I've blogged. I could blame it on a million different things, having a baby, being busy, being a mom, wife, friend, daughter...any of the above. But the hard truth is this.....I LOST MY VOICE.

I did.

I lost it. I got to a point where I just felt dry, felt like I had nothing to say, felt like no one wanted or needed to listen. And maybe that's true, maybe no one needs to listen or wants to listen.
But for me, I have to write.
I love it, I love being open and vulnerable. I love stringing together words and thoughts that express my heart. For me, writing is therapy. A place to banter, a place to jump on my soap box, a place to share, express, and hopefully encourage, inspire or provoke some sort of thought or action from you the reader...my trusty two followers. (thanks mom and barb) ha

There was a point where I was all over the place, do I blog about life? weight loss? DIY? fashion? God? All of those things are a part of me, a part of my story. The truth is, I have a million and a half thoughts on any of those topics swirling around just about 24/7. I felt like I needed a niche. That in order to be a successful "blogger" I needed to appeal to the masses. I needed to share about something that people cared about that they needed. And in the midst of all those possibilities I seriously lost my voice, trying to focus on any one part of who I am just left me feeling blah, and I mean like, roll out of bed, no shower or bra all day type of blah. Like, spray me with fabreeze type of blah.
I just felt lost and unimportant and like I had NOTHING TO SAY. (which is funny, cause anyone who knows me, knows I have LOTS to say, about just about anything..ha I'm working on reeling that in a bit)


So, Here ya go. After at least a year of no voice. I have something to say.

I am ME. I'm quirky and opinionated and fun loving and weird. I like ice cream with my french fries and I used to bite my toenails ( I know gross). I love Jesus with all my heart and rely on Him daily to be a decent wife or mom or friend. I am passionate about the Word of God and the spiritual growth of the body of Christ. I LOVE to worship and be in the beautiful presence of the Holy Spirit and I LOVE LOVE LOVE helping lead people into that presence too. I love encouraging women, I love dancing, acting, singing, ZUMBA(ha). I craft and scrapbook and repurpose furniture.  I love exercise and healthy eating and I love donuts.

I'm a hot mess of contradictions and am absolutely far from perfect, but one thing is certain, I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. If it's one word, or one song, one blog post, or one gigantic step of faith, I want someone to be inspired.

But here's the thing, even if no one is. I'm ok being me and celebrating who I am and not apologizing for it.  I don't care if I don't have a "niche", I don't care if I don't appeal to the masses, I don't care if I only have two followers forever, (hi mom and barb...again..haha)
I have to write, I have to sing, I have to share, I have to dance, I'll probably annoy, and maybe offend(not intentionally of course).

But I HAVE TO BE ME!!!

It's only in knowing who I am, that I can truly find my voice!! :-)

So, here's to many more blogs of me, being me.

TADA!!!!!!! AAAANNNNNDDDDD, CURTSY


XOXO-

Dayna

Healthy Lunch Meal Prep Week 2

Hey Guys, Hope the last post about meal prep was helpful and eliminated some of the anxiety that can come with trying to meal prep for the first time.

Today, I spent another hour meal prepping for the week. After my Easter indulgences yesterday, staying on track this week is really important!!

So here goes.

Healthy Lunch Meal Prep- Week 2

What you'll need

Bag of chicken breast

salad mix

squash

zucchini

Brown whole grain rice

Mrs Dash- ( I used original, fiesta lime and garlic herb)

Olive oil

and cottage cheese

Step 1- Defrost your chicken and cut into thin pieces. I filleted mine and cut into small chunks.

Brush lightly with olive oil, sprinkle on Mrs Dash seasoning of choice. I did two different flavors for the week.

Cook on 400 for Approx 25min or until done.

(TIP- wait to cook chicken til after you cook the veggies. This way you can be putting together your containers while the chicken cooks, since it takes longer.)

Step 2- Slice squash and Zucchini, lay on lined and sprayed baking sheet. Then spray a light coat of olive oil over top and sprinkle on seasonings.

Broil on the middle rack for approx 10 min until done to your liking. I don't like mine super mushy. So I don't cook mine very long. 

Step 3- While waiting for your veggies to cook. Go ahead and measure out your rice (1/2cup), your salad greens (2cups), and cottage cheese (1/2cup).

 And top your salad with whatever other veggies you'd like, I used cucumber slices and carrot shavings.

Step 4- Now that your veggies are done- go ahead and divide into 1cup portions and put into containers.

(other side note- I had left over green beans from last week..so I just added them to one of the containers)

Step 5- Now that your chicken is done. Weigh out into 4-6oz portions and place in containers.

While my chicken was cooking, I went ahead and cut up a cauliflower so I'd have veggies to snack on in between meals this week.

And Batta Bing Batta Boom- You're done and have lunches ready for the week ahead!!!

(Side Note- I didn't include the step of making your rice because I had a container of rice pre-made and in the frig. So you'll want to boil some rice at the beginning of the process.)

Like I've said before, meal prepping seems so hard and daunting. But it's really very simple. This process took me just under 1 hour from start to finish AND I played with my one year old during the process.

If you've ever said to yourself, "Man, I wish I could meal prep" I dare you to JUST DO IT!!! Give it a try and surprise yourself at just how easy it can be to stay on track with eating right throughout your week!!

Happy Eating! 

XOXO

Healthy Lunch Meal Prep Made Easy

Meal prepping has become a pretty big thing. There are countless blogs, pinterest pins and websites dedicated just to the art of meal prepping. If you're anything like me, you love the idea of meal prepping, you see the benefits, you know it would help you stay on track with healthy eating during your busy week but you're overwhelmed with the wealth of information, recipes, how to's etc.

I have been lunch meal prepping for a little over a month now and Love Love Love how it's helped me stay on track. I've stayed on track to the tune of being down two pants sizes..... can I get a "raise the roof". (no? ok, I'll do it myself......*happy dance...raise the roof...Happy dance*)
Phew, ok, I'm done celebrating. Back to business.

Taking the time to meal prep my lunches has saved me time, calories and mental block as to what to make for lunch at that moment when I'm absolutely starving and am battling between what my taste buds want and what my fitness goals need. Have you been there??? Those battles for me usually resulted in a grilled cheese sandwich and chips. :( not such a great option.

I hear people say things like, "I don't have time to meal prep" or "I really want to, but I don't know where to start." Sometimes I hear..."Doesn't that get expensive eating dinner type foods at lunch"??

So, I decided to break it down for you to show you how easy and cheap lunch meal prepping really is and hopefully help you on your road to making this a routine that can assist you with your health and fitness goals.

FIRST, Buy your ingredients
                                      
For this weeks meals. I bought
-Bag of Chicken Breasts
-Bag of Steamable Green Beans (I got these from walmart)
-Bag of Sweet Potatoes
-Cottage Cheese
-Salad Greens
-Eggs
-Light Italian Dressing

I bought all these items from Aldi and spent just about $15.00 for them all.  I wont use everything in it's entirety for this week. So the break down per meal is less than $3.75. Not bad. Pretty affordable right?

Ok.

Step 1.
Place either 3-4 LARGE chicken breasts (or 5-6 small ones) In crock pot and cover with 3/4 bottle of italian dressing. Turn on High and let cook for 4-5 hours.
You will want the remainder of the dressing for your salads this week.

Step 2.Prepare Sweet Potatoes- Poke three small holes in each potato and wrap with foil. Place on baking sheet and cook on 450 for 1 hour. When your timer goes off, check and see if they are slightly squeezable. If you can squeeze them with your over mitt on, then they are done. I always cook more than I need for just my meals so I can grab them easily for snacks or dinners as well. *Plus my kids LOOOOVE sweet potatoes*

Step 3- Boil your eggs- I usually boil several because they are a great snack..full of protein. *great for throwing in your gym bag for after your workouts*

Step 4- Cook your steamable green beans in the microwave. 

Step5- While your chicken is cooking, your potatoes are baking and your eggs are boiling. Measure out your salad, Cottage Cheese and Green beans into your containers.

For this I use

1/2 c Cottage Cheese

2 cups of Salad Mix (topped with chopped cucumbers)

1 cup Green beans

I decided I wanted a lil variety for the week. So I am making two containers with salad to put my chicken on, and two containers with a starch item(my sweet potato) and veggies.

The end result will look like this \/

                                                       \/

By then your eggs should be done boiling- So peal two to add to your containers.

Put your containers in the frig.

Then all you have to do is wait for your potatoes and your chicken to be done.

Once they are done. Place one medium potato in your containers and 4-6oz of chicken. Be sure to spoon out some of your left over dressing over the chicken.

(I don't add the chicken to my salad, til I'm ready to eat it. Sometimes, I like it cold, sometimes I like it warmed up and I can't warm it up if it's already on the lettuce. So I store the left over's separately.)

And Voila!! 4 healthy lunch meals that are prepped and ready for a quick grab.

All the Prep Time only took me about 45 minutes today. From start to finish. That of course is not counting the cook time for the potatoes and chicken. But while those are cooking, I can do whatever else I need to get done. 

As you can see, this method is easy, cheap, and quick. 

I know we all lead busy lives, with work, families, kids, sports...whatever it is you do.

But one thing I've learned is that, If I have 1 hour of time to sit and do anything like watch t.v, read, sew, look through facebook, or pinterest 

I HAVE TIME TO MEAL PREP!

Seriously, we all HAVE the time, somewhere within our week. The question is will we TAKE the time to make this skill and healthy routine a habit for our lives.

If you've ever wanted to try lunch meal prepping, I encourage you to try it. You wont regret it!!!

I believe in you. You CAN do it!!

Happy Cooking!! XOXO

What Are We Striving For?

Have you ever wondered if what you're striving for in life is worth it? Have you dared ask yourself if at the core of your being you truly care about what is important?

I think for me, I always assume that my deepest desires are pure and righteous..that somewhere beneath the fleshliness of my sinful nature my "TRUE" self, cares about what truly matters in life.  But the more I ask myself the hard questions the more I realize that underneath the fleshliness of my sinful nature...I am still sinful. I am a selfish, selfish human being....and guess what, You are too.

We are all selfish. Human nature, makes us selfish, and as if our inherent nature wasn't bad enough we have a world telling us how much we 'deserve'. How much we 'need' and just how far we should be willing to go to get 'it'. 

You deserve a big house, you deserve fashionable clothes, you deserve to spend money on YOU, you've earned it. Do we really "earn" anything in life that should only be used for us without any thought to how we might use what we've been given to help others?? 

These are hard questions and let me just say, it's NOT fun when you realize that you really would rather buy a new spring scarf than give your money to a homeless person. Or that you really don't know if you can spare $30 a month to support a child in India because what if you get invited out to lunch by a girlfriend and don't have the money?? What if you see a new purse, new shoes for your kid or need a haircut?? It sounds so stupid but these are thoughts I have been guilty of thinking in my life.

I'd feel conviction and the prodding of the Holy Spirit asking me to sacrifice and ALLLLLL the things I've ever wanted to purchase in my whole entire life flashes before my eyes in that moment. And in a moment of complete honesty...There have been times I've said no to God. I've walked away from what I KNOW was Gods tug upon my heart and all so I could buy something for ME that I don't even remember buying at this point.

It may not be material things that we strive for. It may be to be the perfect mom, or the perfect wife. It may be to be physically fit or advance in our careers. None of those things are "bad". But is it making a difference to someone outside of what is important to "us"??

Maybe we strive for compliments, or the affirmation of others. Maybe we want to be popular, in the limelight or #1 at something. We work so hard at so many things day after day and we get so consumed with our own little world that we forget that there is a big picture out there.

There is a world that is lost, hungry, thirsty, dying, and alone.

And we shut our eyes and close our doors and continue on with our lives of Target runs and football practice, new outfits and new jobs. We forget, we don't see, we don't change and what we are so desperately striving to succeed at is only benefiting us. 

Does what you're striving for really matter?? Is it helping anyone outside of your 4 walls? Are you willing to sacrifice so that someone else can live??

I recently saw this video and it's really powerful. Please take a minute to watch it and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart. Gods agenda is PEOPLE! Investing in People is the most important thing we could do.

Be Blessed~~

Jamie Eason LIVE FIT TRAINER Week 4

Ok WOAH....it's been a long time since I've blogged. Phew, I'm a major slacker...ok not really. Quite a bit has been going on.

First, I went to MEXICO for a missions trip and that was AWESOME. I need to write a good post about my experience. Immediately after returning home from that, my hubs went on a work trip and left me with two kiddos for a week(which is actually fine, but I like to act like it's torture. :) Shhh don't tell) THEN my bestie from Kansas came to celebrate my 30th birthday!!!! WOOT.

So, Needless to say. Things have been a tad busy. I successfully completed two week of the program before leaving for mexico, and since I've been back. I've finished the last two week of Phase 1. So I'm feeling pretty stellar. 

Here are some things I've been learning from week 4!!!!

1. Weight is really just a number.

Ok, so we always hear this and we see the cute little pics on Pinterest of the scale that tells you you're beautiful instead of your weight and we all unite with a resounding AMEN at the "thought" of the number on the scale not really mattering.

BUUUUUT, at the end of the day, when we hop on our trusty little friend the number DOES MATTER to us. I don't know why. It just does, and when you feel like you're working really hard to make good choices and be diligent at the gym it's incredibly discouraging when the scale doesn't move....at all..... Or even worse, when it moves in the wrong direction.

I had an experience last week (on weigh in day) where I literally wanted to throw the scale across the room and cuss at someone or something because after weeks of what feels like hard work I was seeing no numeric progress on that blasted little torture machine that I am so painfully attached to.

So, in an effort to restore order and sanity to our home my husband made a rash decision and HID THE SCALE!!!!! Yes, that's right, He hid it. When he told me I felt panic and relief all at the same time. Honestly, I thought, "oh that's sweet, but in a few days I'll find it and things will return to normal."

Surprisingly enough, I've not missed it AT ALL. In fact, I feel so much relief that it doesn't stare at me every morning and I am able to actually notice some visible results that are not scale related that I truly feel like I was unable to see because I'd get so discouraged about that dreadful number!!

This week, without the scale. I've really been able to see that the number on the scale is really just a number and I'm not ok with my mood, motivation and contentment with myself being defined by something that really makes no difference at all, to anyone...but me. 

2. Weight loss doesn't always equal fat loss, and no weight change doesn't always equal no change.

Phew, that's a mouth full. Here's what I mean.

I've spent the last 5 years of my life trying to "lose weight". The number on the scale was all that mattered. And though I was successful many times in actually lowering that number. It didn't mean my body fat was at a healthy percentage, it didn't make me strong and it didn't mean I was fit or toned. It just meant the number on the scale went down and I was probably wearing a smaller size.

Lately, especially with this program. The scale has not been moving much. But it doesn't mean my body isn't changing. With the absence of the scale this week I decided to look back on my measurements over the last year. I may not be "lighter" on the scale, but I've lost inches. I can actually feel muscle in my arms for the first time like....ever! 

I'm determined to change my body this year. Turning 30 has really lit a fire under me to get into shape. I want to be healthy, I want to be strong. In doing so, I will naturally thin out, even if that means the number on the scale doesn't move.

3. I'm stronger than I ever thought

It's only been 4 weeks of training and I even took a two week break in the middle for all the craziness, but I can already see my strength improving. I'm moving up in my weights all the time and let me tell ya, IT FEELS AWESOME!

It feels so good to go from a 5lb dumbbell to a 15lb dumbbell. I remember thinking that I would die with several sets of 5lber's and now I'm doing multiple reps with 15lbs. 

There really is no limit to what we can do, when we push our bodies past what is comfortable. I am so thankful this program has gotten me out of my cardio rut...don't get me wrong, I LOVE cardio. I think it's fun. But I'm capable of more, and now I actually enjoy doing weights! :)

4. PREPLANNING IS A MUST

"When you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

You may have heard this before but it's true. When I don't take time to meal plan or look over my workouts ahead of time. It's much easier to not do the right thing.

Things that have helped me so much is premaking some easy go to food items.

This week I made

Ground Chicken Meatballs

Carrot Cake Protein Bars

 Protein pancakes

and a crockpot of Italian Dressing Chicken Breast (not pictured)

These Items really help me stay on track. It's easy to grab a quick healthy breakfast, snack or lunch when I have things pre-made.

So PLAN PLAN PLAN.

I've made this a few times this week as a yummy dessert/snack.

Apple Nachos

Cut apples, Melted PB drizzled over with Sugar Free Choc Chips.

This is so satisfying. It keeps me from feeling deprived.

Well, that's all I have for ya this week. Week 4 is going really well. I'm excited to be finishing Phase 1 and moving on to Phase 2 of the program.

And a Big shout out to my hubs for having the wisdom to get rid of the scale!!!! 

It truly has made a huge difference. :)

LIVE FIT TRAINER- Week 1

Week 1 COMPLETE. It's been a really great week. I have much to share. Are ya ready?? :)

Well, it started off a bit rough. I spent a bit of time watching the videos by Jamie Eason on the bodybuilding.com website. Obviously there is irony in this next pic.

M&M's as I watch video's about changing my habits. HA..well, we all have to start somewhere. At least it was a mini bag...?? yes??  YES! :)

Anywhoo, One thing I've learned with my years of weight loss efforts is that Planning is key to success ESPECIALLY at first. It just so happens that Jamie Eason agrees. She recommends taking one day to meal prep for the week. So that's what I did.

I started by making her Carrot Cake Protein Muffins (click link for Recipe)

These are super Delish! Only 93 calories, FULL of protein and a great snack that includes a serving of Vegetables because they are made with pureed carrots. I know, I know..when I read that on the recipe I thought..."EWWW nasty". BUT they are actually really tasty. I take these with me on the go in a baggie. They are the perfect portable snack.

Then I decided to make up lunches for myself for easy grab and eat. I know myself, and if I wait to make lunch when I'm hungry and in a hurry to eat I end up making a grilled cheese sandwich or a pb&j. This way, I have meals with protein, healthy starch AND veggies easily accessible in the frig. Lunch has seriously never been so easy.

To make meal prep easier, I just made extra items while making dinner. It worked our great, then I packaged up the extras.

I had some roast left over so I portioned that out as well. This way I had a little variety.

Dinner usually consists of some type of chicken..we like chicken at our house. My favorite this week was Parmesan baked chicken, spaghetti squash with cauliflower garlic cheesy bread. *YUM*

The workouts this week were WAY different than I'm used to.

WEIGHTS! Lots of WEIGHTS!

Let me be clear that I'm not a weight lifter. I'm a cardio girl. I get on the elliptical and go, I LOVE doing step classes and zumba. I can do cardio ALL day long no problem. Weights have been a different story this week.

But surprisingly, as hard as it was..I enjoyed it. I felt really accomplished after doing three reps with a heavier weight than I thought I could lift.

My body has mildly ached in area's I didn't even know had muscle. But it's been good.

I even had to go buy some snazzy weight lifting gloves to avoid more blisters. The first full day with weight machines and my hands were not feelin so hot. 

I feel pretty hard core with my lifting gloves...hopefully when this is all done I'll have the body to match. THAT would be AW-SOME sauce.

After my 4 workout days I am down 1.3lbs.

Unfortunately, Saturday and Sunday have not been great days of staying on track with my diet. I intended to, and I tried. But quite a few things came up that got me a bit off course. BUT that's ok. I'm starting fresh tomorrow(Monday) morning. Another week. Well, sort of. I'm heading to Mexico for a missions trip on Thursday. But I plan to stay on track til we leave.

So, over all. Loved Week 1. Stayed motivated all week and I'm feeling stronger.

1 down, 11 more to go. :)

Ok- This is Happening

Well, It's February 2014 and I found a journal I started from January 2013. Guess what???? I basically weigh the same amount I did A WHOLE YEAR AGO!!!!!!! *sniff sniff, tear tear*
And my goals for 2014 (for weight loss anyways) look strikingly similar to that of last years.

Here's the deal. I pretty much spent all last year trying to lose more weight. Getting rid of baby number 2's initial abode has proven to be WAAAAAAY harder than I thought it would be. Anyone who knows me knows I make an asserted effort CONSISTENTLY to lose weight. I go to the gym and do several classes per week. I eat pretty healthy almost 80% of the time..I have tried Afterbaby weight loss, Trim Healthy Mama, clean eating, calorie counting and weight watchers all within the last year and I'm  only down 4 lbs from where I was this time last year.
THAT'S DISCOURAGING YA'LL, really discouraging.
I had great success losing weight with Weight Watchers before, I'm baffled as to why it's just not working this time. When I ask a WW leader why I'm not losing their answer is to just eat less.
Well, IDK if you've ever done WW but I can't eat less than I already am. In fact after much reading about metabolism and fueling your body I'm pretty confident I've lived with my body in constant starvation mode. Sure you lose weight initially when you lower your calorie intake but over the long haul all it does is slow down your metabolism...and a slow metabolism does not a fat burning machine make (thanks yoda, ;)

I feel like it's time to figure out my body and what really makes it healthy. I know eating less is NOT the answer, I know working out more is NOT the answer. To be honest...I'm not sure what the answer is. But I know that I have to figure it out if I'm ever going to get to my goals. Sure, I know I could just be content and happy where I am..it's not like I'm obese or anything. I'm not even that over weight. But I have higher goals than just giving up and being happy where I am when I know it's not my best. There is a reason why my body has stalled and isn't releasing the excess and I'm determined to find out why.


So, for the next three months I'm going to be doing, (drum Roll PLEASE)

Jamie Eason's Live Fit Program 

It's a 12 week program that focuses mostly on strength training and healthy eating. I love to exercise..however weights have never been my focus. Sure, I do them in my cardio combo class, or I add some in after 45 minutes on the elliptical. But a lifter, I AM NOT. However, that is going to change. This program starts off with NO CARDIO AT ALL. AW, LORDY.

I've been doing so much reading about how building lean muscle mass aids in weight loss as well as over all fitness and I'm all about that. PLUS, learning to eat better is always a plus. This program is FREE! YES, FREE and lays out all your workouts and meals for you. It really doesn't get any easier. All, I have to do is find the will power to follow the program. I'm praying for the Lords strength to do that.

C'mon Ya'll it doesn't get any better than FREE!!!!!

I don't know if this is going to solve all my weight loss problems. But I am going to give it a shot and see what kind of progress I can make in 3 months.

I will be blogging about my week each monday just to keep me accountable and motivated to keep going. It might even be motivating to you. ;)

I can't wait to get to week 12 and see progress.

Today was day one and the workout wasn't bad. Today was Chest and Triceps so I spent 45 minutes working out those areas with weights. I used 12lb dumbbells for all the exercises and it was tough. When I told my hubs that I was proud of myself for using 12lb-ers he said..."12lbs?? that's like a can of soup".....I don't know what kind of soup he's been eating, but MY cans of soup do NOT weight 12 lbs each. SHEESH! That's ok..we'll see who's laughing in 12 weeks. ha

 I admit that after I was done I felt kinda weird like I should be hopping on the elliptical for a good sweat session. I'm so used to measuring a good workout by not being able to breath and sweat POURING from ever pore. But I resisted and just did some average pace walking to loosen up my muscles.


Jamie Eason says that she doesn't want us using the fuel we are eating to fuel cardio sessions, rather she wants us using the fuel we eat to rebuild our muscles and create lean muscle mass. I'm gonna trust her, she's the expert.

As far as eating goes, I've done pretty well, except for the mini bag of m&m's I had after lunch (thanks mom and dad for sending a whole box full to the kids for valentines day) ;) ha.

So, there ya have it. I'm going after this thing as best I can. I'll hit ya back up next monday to give you week 1's progress.

FINGERS CROSSED~ Wish me luck. :)

Money Matters

Like I said in my last post, God is really taking me on a journey. He's been convicting my heart and changing my thought process on things that I've not even thought about.....EVER!

Lately, He's been speaking to me about money. Yep, that crazy little green stuff that seems to make the world go round but people never seem to have enough of.

M-O-N-E-Y.

A few days ago, I asked my husband to go over our budget with me. Mostly because we are celebrating our 10 yr anniversary at the end of the year and I want to be able to pay cash for our trip. I wanted a game plan. I need to know what we have to do to save "x" amount of dollars by December.

As we looked at the numbers on our budget..what comes in, what should be going out I was startled by a huge deficit!!  There in the column marked "savings" was a surprisingly large number.
I quickly said..."whoa, wait a minute..we save that much every month??" My husbands response was, "no, IF we stayed on budget we would save that much every month, but we don't usually do that".

WAIT a MINUTE..hold the phone!!!! "How are we spending that much extra money a month?? What are we spending it on?" I asked.  He just kinda shrugged and shook his head!

God immediately pricked my heart in a huge way!!!  Basically after paying our basic bills and paying for groceries, setting aside some money for eating out, and doing fun activities we SHOULD have enough left over to put several hundred dollars in savings each month.  The fact that we have not been doing that is a huge red flag to me. We can't even recall what that extra money is being spent on.

Most likely it's being spent on, more eating out, stopping to get sodas, new things we see and want, something for the kids, using our credit card mindlessly and having to pay it off at the end of the month.

BUT certainly nothing substantial or meaningful in any way...because neither one of us can even pin point what it's being spent on.

Friends, I want my money to matter more than this.

IF we are so blessed to have all our basic needs met and are able to budget in eating out, allowances for my husband and myself AND have some fun money...then there is no reason at all why we should be spending the rest except for the fact that we are mindlessly indulging ourselves in desires and wants that we clearly don't need OR have made one bit of difference in our lives.

Here's the deal, we don't live extravagant lives. Just about everything I buy is on sale, I use coupons, I do DIY projects to save money. Literally half of my closet is from Goodwill..NO LIE!
We don't take our kids to expensive outings often AT ALL. I shop at Once Upon a Child for their clothes.

I literally am NOT a "shop or spend-a-holic"

If I want to redecorate..I first think of how to repurpose, repaint and reuse what we already have before buying anything new. So I am literally blown away at how we go through money the way we do.
I've boiled it down to two things.

Carelessness and Greed. Ouch. I don't typically consider myself careless or greedy. But after mulling it over in my brain til it's basically mush I can come up with no other conclusions.

We are careless with our excess, and we are greedy in thinking that if we have excess it should obviously be spent on US!! (there's that "we deserve" american entitlement issue again)

Who says that because we have extra money that it should be spent on us. Does God not use His children to bless others?? Who says that we should even be budgeting in "eating out" and "fun money" as if luxuries are the most important things in life.  What if instead of delegating what's left over to people in need..we turned it around..and supported the needy FIRST, and then used our left over for a few indulgent luxuries?? How different the American church would look.

I think of all the things we could be doing to bless others, to show Gods love with our excess.
We could buy groceries for a family for a MONTH with our extra.
We could buy someone a car..(a used one mind you, but still with 4 wheels and an engine)
We could pay someones rent
We could fund a family in Ethiopia for a whole year so they could have food and education.
We could build a church in Africa!!!

But instead, it gets spent on another pair of shoes for my daughter who already has ten pairs. Or on another scarf for me, when I have two drawers full.
It gets spent on another run to get carry out, when we JUST ate out yesterday.
It goes to buy new curtains just because I've had the other ones for a few years and am tired of them.
More, useless, meaningless junk that doesn't enrich our lives one tiny bit. In actuality it just causes us to want more useless, meaningless junk.

I mean, seriously....I WANT MY MONEY TO MATTER more than this.

So, we've decided to cut WAY back. I have a set allowance every month that is just for me. I can go to lunch, I can buy a new shirt...whatever. My goal and promise to myself is to stick to my allowance. If it doesn't fit into my budget. I don't get. NO MORE EXCESS.

I have a closet full of stuff. My goal is to wear EVERYTHING..(everything that fits anyways). I'm going to put together outfits from what I already have. I'm going to be thankful with my home. I may want new accessories for my book shelves..but there is a child in India who could use that $30 a whole lot more than my book shelves could.

I want God to open my eyes to the nonsense. I love my kids and I love buying things for them. BUT the reality is they have more than they need. They have so much in fact..that they don't really even enjoy what they have because the amount of stuff is so overwhelming. And, because they are so used to getting stuff the thrill is just "getting" it..not actually playing with it, and I'm not ok with that.
So, unless it's a birthday or Christmas. No more TOYS, no more clothes, no more NOTHING!

The fact that my whole family could literally have beds and dressers of our own in our bedroom alone, is a shocking realization to the amount of excess! When I really allow God to do surgery on my greed and my heart I start to walk around my home in AWE of the blessings I've been given.

I'm not living on the street..or in a dump. I'm not hungry, I'm not cold. I have clothes..and stylish ones at that. My kids have luxuries and toys. WHO THE HECK DO WE THINK WE ARE, to maintain an attitude of constantly needing more!

That new shirt wont bring meaning to my life. The bigger tv wont fulfill my inner most longings. Going on an extravagant vacation wont fill any emptiness within me.  A new couch wont bring me meaningful relationships.

I want my money to matter.
I'm giving God room to use the finances He's giving me to bless others. My tithe, is not enough. I will live on less, so I'm able to bless.

I will sacrifice the boots on sale at marshals and the 20th cute dress or hair bow for my daughter so that someone else might know that Jesus is using people to bless them.

I want my money to MATTER. I will live with less, so it will!

2014 Search for Simplicity.

Well, I haven't posted in well over a month. I've had so much whirling around in my head I feel like I couldn't articulate a single thought that would make any meaningful sense at all. But God has been doing something in me in this last month or so and I think it's time to share it.

2014 is going to be a big year for me. I have several mile stones that I'm really looking forward to. I'm turning 30 in about 6 weeks! My husband and I will be celebrating ten years of marriage and I get to go on my first missions trip out of the country. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about all of that.

I've been thinking quite a bit about this new phase in my life...30 years old feels huge, feels exciting, feels old. (ha just kidding) I've thought much about the time spent in my 20's and I've decided I want my 30's to be different...MUCH different. Don't get my wrong, my 20's brought lots of great adventures, wonderful learning, babies, friends, experiences. But underneath the polished exterior of who I've represented myself to be, my 20's were also filled with much insecurity, selfishness, bad attitudes and misguided priorities to say the least. You may not have known it to look at me, but contentment and joy were rare commodities. Which is sad, because I've been so blessed. BEYOND blessed even. Looking back at all I've been given and knowing in my heart I've not been completely thankful just makes me sick, and ashamed if I'm being honest. 

I want the decade of my 30's to be marked by difference attributes than that of my 20's. I want to be different, I want to be better.

I've decided that 2014 is a year that I will give God room to change me. When I say change, I don't mean, small little things..I mean, I want to be CHANGED, really CHANGED!

I'm tired of the rat race of life as we know it. I'm tired of Christianity as we know it. I'm tired of the world selling us misguided dreams and desires that do nothing but fuel our own selfishness and pride as we disregard the lost and the hurting. Things need to change."I" need to change.

I don't want to look at the brave people who are doing great things and only wish I was brave enough to do what they're doing..I want to BE that brave person.

I want to be brave to tackle my selfishness and greed and really turn that ship around in a world that is sending us full speed down stream towards destruction.

I want to bravely be disciplined with my convictions even if NO ONE else understands, agrees or is following my example. Cause lets face it, It's so much easier to do something hard when you aren't the only one "suffering". When you're tackling your human sinful nature it feels like suffering when everyone around you is gleefully indulging in their own. It feels unfair, it feels lonely. But I'm reminding myself that those things didn't make me happy when I was "gleefully indulging" in them myself. It only brought joy for a minute and then it was gone, fleeting, like chasing the wind. Just when you think you've caught it, it slips through your fingers and calls you to pursue it further. It's a game you just never win.

2014 is going to be a search for simplicity, contentment and living with less. Not because I have to, but because I'm learning that having more, is not actually "MORE" when it comes to feeling fulfilled in life and I want my kids to learn this lesson early. We are going to live with less than the consumeristic world tells us we "deserve". We are going to eat at home more, shop less, be thankful for what we have by not constantly filling our eyes, minds and hearts with all that we don't have and "want". Those things are like the sunset, it's pretty for a few moments but before you even realize it, it's gone and you're waiting on what's next. I for one am tired of looking to "what's next"..the next cute sweater, the bigger tv, the newer car, the next restaurant. 

It's completely twisted that a 2700sq ft house, a closet the size of my first kitchen, more toys than my daughter can possibly play with, cupboards full of food and all of our basic needs being met and THEN MORE..is still not enough. Nope, there is always another baby doll to want, another cute shirt to buy, another style of curtain to hang, more food to eat,  another vacation to dream about. It's a perpetual cycle of "I WANT", "WE DESERVE", "MORE MORE MORE" and frankly, it's exhausting.

I want peace and fulfillment in today, in ME today... Not me ten pounds from now, not me when I get new boots or a new hair cut, or when I get to redecorate my living room. I will be content with me TODAY.

So, I'll probably be blogging more about this journey I'm about to embark on. My search for simplicity and contentment by embracing less, embracing sacrifice, embracing thankfulness. I'm sure it's going to be WAAAY harder than I can even imagine. But I'm determined to give God room to change me. 

I don't want to look at the brave people who are doing great things and only wish I was brave enough to do what they're doing..I want to BE that brave person.