Pressure Cooked Momma

When it comes to mothering there are days when I feel like I live in a giant pressure cooker. Everyone, everywhere has something to say about the 'proper' way to be a mother. There is information thrown at you from EVERY side about every mothering topic under the sun. The walls of pressure start to creep in closer and closer and my mind starts spinning with mommy info overload.

I don't know if you've ever felt that way...but I feel that way often.

We've all had the friend who's ideas of mothering make us feel less than adequate..to be perfectly honest, I've been that friend before. I can look back and remember moments when I've steamed rolled my friends with the way I parent. It wasn't right, it wasn't being a good friend and frankly I'm not proud of that.
BUT, I think this issue goes so far beyond the times when I've been that way. I think it's a growing problem for us mommies. We've all done it, had it done to us or have seen someone do it and it's just not cool.

From the moment you find out that you're going to be a mommy the pressure begins.

Will you go naturally or have an epidural?

Will you breast feed or bottle feed?

Will you co sleep, or not co sleep?

Will you be a baby wearer or a non baby wearer?

Will you make your own baby food or buy from the store?

Will you vaccinate or choose not to?

Will your kids attend school or will you homeschool?

Will you make your own granola bars or will you allow Quaker to make them for you?

Organic or not organic??

Spanking or time outs??

Will you make 3.5 crafts a week with your children and bake cookies? Or will you sit and watch 10 episodes of the Backyardigans with them?


The list goes on and on and on and on and on..... It's exhausting!

Are these unreasonable decisions that you will have to make? Of course not! As a mother we are required to think on and make decisions for our kids every day...it's kind of what we sign up for when we enter into mommyhood.

Here's what I think the difficulty is.
No matter what your decision is...there is someone always wanting to argue with you about how THEIR way is the BEST way, the BETTER WAY, and in the midst of all the convincing you're left feeling like a sham of a mom, a lazy mom or a mom who doesn't care enough about her kids to do "this"!

Here's the deal, it's not true!! You're not a sham of a mom! You're not too lazy and you DON'T have to feel guilty about your choices.

Why is it that we feel we need to build a case as to "why" we have chosen a particular path? Why must we convince other moms that THEY too should choose this path if they love and want what's best for their kids?

That's what I'm tired of. I've done it! I've had it done to me. I'm over it and you probably are too!

Here's what I've determined. As Parents you have to decide the things that are important to you. What is the ideology that you want your wee lads and lasses to carry on with them.

For me, the most important thing is To love God above all else!! If my kids grow up to love Jesus above anything else, I can die a happy mommy.  But there are a few other things I want them to learn... For instance, I want them to know how food effects their bodies, what their bodies need to function. I didn't grow up learning how to eat healthy foods and why, so for me I want them to understand the basics of health and how it relates to their bodies.
I want them to know that they are individuals, and it's ok to be different. I want them to be ok entertaining themselves and not needing to always BE entertained. And I want them to grow up with respect for authority and other human beings.

When I think about my parenting practices I can see how my ideology is reflected. I've chosen our parenting path to help guide my children down the road to these concepts in their lives.
But I've learned there are ALOT of variables in the middle of all that.

Will homeschooling accomplish these goals..sure it would..is it the ONLY way to accomplish these goals? I think it depends.

Does going all paleo help my children learn about health and food and their bodies? Sure, it can. It is the ONLY way to teach them these principals? I don't believe so.

Is co sleeping a great way for a mommy who wants to do so to cuddle and build relationship with her children? SURE! But I know from experience it isn't the only way, nor does it "work" for everyone.

Is breast feeding healthy and good for your baby? Absolutely, will your child be nourished and healthy getting formula. YES AND YES!!

There is no right or wrong way. There are only choices. Lots of choices that as a momma you are free to make, that you need to make.

If you choose one way, and discover it's not giving the results you want or it's not working for you..than by all means, STOP and re-evaluate.

But here's my challenge to you and to me. Don't get fooled into thinking that because what you've chosen as a parent is what's best for you and your kiddos that it is what's best for everyone.

Life just doesn't work that way.

You may find a complete Paleo lifestyle freeing and fantastic. I tried it and felt like I was locked up in a box of pressure, being cooked over and over and over again. Making me feel like a failure.
It wasn't for me, and that's ok.

You may think natural child birth is the best option...if that's you, you're my hero!! I personally prefer drugs when pushing a watermelon out a hole the size of a quarter. But that's just me...and it's OK!

You may make your granola bars and snacks from scratch with all natural, organic ingredients..and I truly think you're amazing. But I've tried that too, and it left me feeling exhausted and worthless when I realized I hated doing that! And it's ok!!

We all have reasons for why we choose to do the things we do, it's fantastic to be educated about your choices...But, lets do our other mommy friends a favor and not overwhelm them with our facts unless they are asking. Because it doesn't foster friendship, or community and encouragement. But rather causes our friends and loved ones to feel discouraged, and pressured and less than adequate and pull away from us.

No amount of airing our opinions is worth making a friend feel that way, and that goes for Facebook too!

Like I said before, I've been on both sides of that coin and neither side is really all that satisfying.

Instead, lets embrace our differences. Learn from each other but most importantly ACCEPT one another. Pray for one another and lift each other up.

There is no need for ANY of us beautifully messy moms to live in a pressure cooker!!

Break Free, Live Free! Own your choices, but don't push them others!!! :)


and remember...

 You May Be a Mess, But you're a BEAUTIFUL MESS!